If you're me, you are sitting at home alone with the dog because your boyfriend is a doctor and he's on call tonight, making sure that some 15-year-old doesn't die from drinking hand sanitizer since his friend's older brother couldn't steal a fake id (no really, kids are drinking hand sanitizer now). If you're me, here's what else you are doing:
You crack open one of the three bottles of wine that your boss gave you last week since he couldn't drink all of the wine that his friends sent him for Christmas. You are a total lightweight, so you are pretty much sauced after 2 glasses.
You decide to cook something fabulous (possibly containing wine) from your new Smitten Kitchen Cookbook, but then you see all of the Christmas gift food sitting on your counter top...
...and decide that you should probably try to eat that instead so that you can use your counter top sometime in the near future. It turns out that pizzelles and Chex Mix go nicely with a 2007 California Red. You then discover the leftover pizza in the fridge that your boyfriend wrapped up for you after he ate lunch today. You remember that you will not be able to kiss your boyfriend at midnight, and get sad. You eat the pizza and drink more wine.
You get tired of moping and decide that you should give yourself a pedicure. You are so impressed that you can paint your toenails while intoxicated that you text a picture to your friend:
You caption the picture "SO DRUNK BUT STILL THE BEST TONAIL PAINTER OF ALL TIME." She texts back, "Your perfection makes me sick." You reply "I LOVE YOU YOU R SUCH AGOOD FRIEND".
You want to listen to some music, so you open your iTunes account. You decide that you don't like any of your playlists, so you create a new one and name it "Not Pop" (even though 25% of these songs are labeled by iTunes as "Pop"). You dance around and sing this song to your dog while he looks at you like this:
You decide that you had better eat some more bread and start drinking more water if you don't want to spend the first day of the new year being grumpy and hungover.
Bring it, 2013. Happy New Year.
perfect!! touching and funny! Dog says, "mom, are you okay?"
ReplyDeleteThanks :)
DeleteThis is the funniest thing I've read in a long time. Happy New Year Whitney, I hope it brings many posts from you because you totally crack me up!!
ReplyDeleteThank you, DaniBP!
DeleteYour night mirrors my own. My husband is on call too. I enjoy reading your blog. Happy New Year!
ReplyDeleteI hope you got to spend some time with your husband after he was done sleeping post-call today :) Happy New Year!
DeleteHappy New Year, Whitney, I love your posts. And I bet your toenails are gorgeous.
ReplyDeleteMy toenails turned out very well, considering ;) I love your posts, too, WFF, happy 2013!
DeleteI'm always sauced after two glasses of anything, one glass in America - measures are HUGE there.
ReplyDeleteFor the last three years hubs has worked Christmas day and New year's day, it was a shock to have him home this year. Your pooch is the best.
Our portion sizes ARE huge, it's no wonder we're becoming such fatties over here in the 'Murrica. I'm glad you got your husband for the holidays, happy new year, Tabitha!
DeleteHappy New Year, Whitney! :)
ReplyDeleteAnd to you, FFM!
DeleteLove your blog! I wish you much happiness and a higher tolerance for 2013!
ReplyDeleteHaha, thank you! It guess the upside to a low tolerance is knowing that I'll never go broke buying alcohol (unlike clothes...).
DeleteThis was so hilarious. I can picture you dancing in front of the dog, I've done that too and mine will get up and come over to me like he wants to join in. One evening I had friends over and we had wine, I had too much. After they left I put on some music and took a video of me dancing - in clogs. I thought I looked so good but the next day I was mortified. It was a good thing they left when they did.
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year Whitney!
Happy New Year to you, xoxo! Your clog-dancing video story is priceless. I'm now going to try to wipe it from my memory so that the next time I'm home alone with wine and music I don't suddenly think, "Filming this would be THE BEST IDEA EVARRRR." ;)
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